Nothing so final
by GibbsIsMyGod
Summary: Set after Season 5 ending. Jenny's thoughts about her 'death'.


"_She died alone"_

"_We are all alone"_

_JibbsJibbsJibb JibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbsJibbs_

Dead.

She was dead.

Gone.

There is nothing so final as death.

There is no coming back, no second chances, no chance to right the wrongs of your life.

You are then one day, then gone the next. In an instant, your life can be taken away from you. No matter how much you don't want it to happen, no matter how hard you fight to stay alive. Sometimes, you have no choice.

Sometimes your best just isn't good enough.

Sometimes your opponent is stronger, more ruthless and more determined then you.

And sometimes a sacrifice is necessary to keep the ones you love safe.

Even if it means hurting them emotionally. At least they would be alive. At least they would have each other. They would be broken inside, never to be healed but they would be safe.

It was this thought that kept Jenny Shepherd from running back into their lives, from hugging Abby tightly and promising never to leave again; apologizing to Ziva and Tony for the guilt they felt and what they witnessed; and for making McGee question everything he knew.

And Gibbs…she was so tempted, everyday she was tempted to run into his house, down into his basement and just hold him close. She would day dream of being reunited with her ex-lover, of a tearful reunion filled with apologizes and promises. It was slowly killing her, watching him mourn for her. But she couldn't do anything. She couldn't ease his pain, or wipe away his drunken tears. All she could do was sit and watch and wait.

She wasn't even sure how long she would have to wait before she could finally be united with her family. It could be a week, a month, a year. All Jenny knew was that if she wanted her family to live she had to stay hidden. At least for the moment. Until the threat was eliminated and she was sure that no one was going to harm them, kill them.

But just because she had to stay hidden, didn't mean she couldn't watch out for them, make sure they were ok.

She watched from a distance as her quirky family attended her 'funeral'. They had all looked so…defeated. Jenny hadn't expected that, but then again she wasn't sure what she expected. She had tearfully watched them as they listened to the service. She noted that Abby was the only one freely crying. McGee had silent tears drifting down his cheeks, and Tony…he was trying to hold back his tears although this didn't prevent his eyes from glazing over. Ziva was standing there, holding Abby's hand. She looked like she was in unbearable pain but was trying to hide it from the world. And Gibbs, he just looked lost and broken. He had an arm around Abby's shoulders, silently giving her comfort. Knowing that she was the cause of this made her eyes overflow with an abundance of tears. She almost ran up to them then and there.

But she couldn't.

She had to have patience. She had to leave them for a moment until she could take down the threat.

Three weeks before her 'death' the SecNav had relayed intelligence that CIA had received. The information seemed to indicate that a senior NCIS agent had gone rogue and was now working alongside enemies of the United States, who that organization was, is still unclear. What was clear was that this agent had received orders to assassinate the Director of NCIS, by any means possible and to kill anyone who got in the way. Under the order of the SecNav, and with the help of Mike Franks, Jenny was able to fake her demise. She had sent the tip off to her Russian 'friend' as it made for an airtight manner in which to 'die'. True, she had suffered some gunshot wounds in the gun fight at the diner, but that had been intentional. She had needed to look the part when Ziva and Tony found her.

Now she spent her days hunting down leads as to why this agent was ordered to kill her, and trying to find concrete evidence to expose this agent. Then she could return to her family, and to Gibbs. She wasn't sure if Gibbs would ever forgive her for this, but she had faith that after explaining her circumstances that he will understand.

But she would never have the opportunity to do this, unless she took down Leon Vance.


End file.
